Clarification

Fears vs. Dreams

“You spend your whole life stuck in a labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

-Looking for Alaska by John Green

For the longest time, I thought this quote defined my life. Looking for Alaska is one of my favorite books. It’s brilliant, but it’s filled with a tragedy and brokenness that I don’t think John Green himself is even aware of.

I remember thinking that life was a labyrinth. In the book, Alaska calls it a labyrinth of suffering. People in this world are stuck in a maze of hurt and pain, and everyone in this life is either trying to find a way out of the labyrinth or finding a way to make it bearable.

Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. John Green said that this line from his book is inspired by his wife, who actually said this on one of their first dates. He said that after she said this, he realized how brilliant she was and resolved to marry her.

As soon as I was old enough to decide that the world was not on my side I became more aware of this labyrinth. But to me, it was a labyrinth of monotony. To escape my colorless life I found myself imagining the future to escape the monotony of the present.

11 months ago I wrote a tumblr post about how I didn’t want to waste my life. And I look back on these last 11 months and think, what exactly have I done?

I could write a thousand words about how I feel I’ve wasted my life and what it means to not waste my life. But here are some snippets: Desiring God; Joy; Love; Urgency; Transformation; Love; Dying to Self; Peace.

Urgency. I want to go home and talk to my little brothers and tell them that nothing else matters but living for Jesus. I want to go back to the 6^th grade Sunday School class I was teaching and tell them to only focus on living for Jesus.

I’m not sure I want to be a teacher, but I do know this: I want to go back to the classroom and teach more than math. I want to look each student in the eye and ask them, ‘Why do you think you’re on this earth?’ Middle school age is the prime time for depression, cutting, and suicidal thoughts. But in middle school you don’t talk about things really. It’s hard to see the big picture.

Living Your Story is in a week and one day. At the event there will be something called Fears vs. Dreams. People answer the questions what is your biggest fear, and what is your greatest dream. It’s interesting to look at the pictures from around the country and see what people are answering.

Fear: to look back and say it was wasted

Dream: to never look back, and only look forward in obedience and passion to live for Him.